...DGF....

This blog requires a disclaimer: For all my Iowan friends who may or may not read this blog...this post may or may not offend you...if it does...you should know that if you are indeed my friend....you are exclusive of the generalizations that are about to be made...because in all honesty....I don't have friends who DGF. 

If you are unfamiliar with the term DGF please watch the following video to update yourselves (the true explanation of this term can be found at or around minute 1:45 and is only about a minute---so don't be alarmed that you have to watch the full 7 minutes....however if you do be warned that it is quite raunchy and somewhat hilarious)

As with most stories...this one requires a back story to catch you up on how DGF came to be. On our trip home this past summer David, my mother, and myself listened to countless hours of comedy cd's to pass the 16 hour drive. During this part of the comedy skit (in the video above)...and through the tears of gut wrenching laughter....I came to the realization...this describes Iowans and the way of life here...to a T...they just don't give a f*uck....and there was born the theory of DGF. We use this phrase often when we see something absolutely ridiculous occur right in front of our eyes....to which we shrug and say....DGF!



Ever since the DGF theory of living was born, it has really got me thinking about the good and bad of a DGF lifestyle. For the past 26+ years....our lives have been built on the basis and morals of exactly the opposite of DGF....let's call it GTMF (giving too much of a f*ck...aka the southern way). Southerners care about EVERYTHING....and they will judge you and your life accordingly (I can indeed make this proclamation without affliction because I too care about EVERYTHING and judge everyone according to how much they GF). I'm afraid that until I adopt a happy medium between DGF and GTMF I will forever be plagued with the horror of pointing out everytime someone DGF's....which could or could not be the humor or horror that makes or breaks my whole entire day.

Let me give you an example. Today is Sunday....and I went out for coffee at 8am without having had a shower, wearing my yoga pants, a hoodie, and what some people (i.e. David) call bedroom slippers (I call them furry shoes that are easily slipped on---they have hard bottoms people...automatically canceling their bedroom slipper status...don't get it twisted!). Let me count the ways this situation would be considered just plain wrong back home. First and foremost NOTHING is open before 1pm on a Sunday...and had I found a place open for coffee and went there in my said attire...people would have looked at me as if I were Satan himself. (I mean why else would an unshowered person appear in public before 1pm in their p.j.'s unless they were in fact Satan...or homeless....because everyone else is in church---I know this is a tad bit of an exaggeration but it's not far from the truth). It might have been that I classed it up too much with yoga pants, but no one even skipped a beat in their day, turned up their nose, or even passed me the stank eye when I walked into the coffee shop.

I have found myself on many occasion worrying about whether or not I'm over dressed for an occasion (because a t-shirt and jeans are acceptable attire ANYWHERE here, even a nice resturant...where they may put on a polo if it's a celebration) only to find when I arrive that I am, more times than not, in fact over dressed.

David and I both have found that in many social situations....people DGF about the experience you are having or are about to have in their place of business and/or establisment. This is applicable in restaurants, apartment hunting, and especially in entertaining scenarios. For example, when you walk into a restaurant back home...and it's OBVIOUS that you've never been their before...resturant staff offer to help you, answer your questions, or merely tell you about the place...or at the very least make you feel welcome. (This is what most of us know as customer service...however to Iowans...it's called "figure it out yourself...if you like our food come back...if you don't we DGF"). The hospital even makes their whole entire staff of thousands of employees go to what they call "Service Excellence"....I went to one installment...and decided that what they call "Service Excellence" I call "Home Training" --- needless to say I will be avoiding any more of these "trainings."

Our first DGF experience we had here was when we were apartment hunting. (And let me just say it was a nightmare....the next time we move it will be back home) We had few choices of apartments here (because the area of North Liberty has about 3 acceptable options for apartment living), we contacted a leasing agent for this one apartment we found online and set up a viewing time of this one unit we were interested in subleasing...and let me just say this experience was A-W-F-U-L. First she was late for the appointment (which we now know is par for the course here), then the tenant who was living there was home (SERIOUSLY?! could you not walk your super huge dog around the block so we could look through your apartment in peace?!) ...not to mention the apartment smelled like the current tenant's huge dog. I immediately showed my disgust and we high tailed it out of there. This my friends is our "go-to example" of Iowans and their innate ability to DGF. This experience back home would have consisted of the leasing agent asking the tenant to leave for a viewing (taking his dog with him), and sprucing up the place (i.e. hiding all ghetto-ness, and at the very least spraying freshener). But alas, DGF prevails....take it or leave it....we DGF.

My final example comes from our experience in entertaining/being a guest in someones home. It is to our standards as guests that we atleast get offered a beverage (which I will polietly decline until it is appropriate to drink because let's face it that's how us southern belle's roll)...or a seat without dog hair becoming apart of our wardrobe (everyone here has dogs...which is great...I love dogs...but seriously...it's called a lint roller). It is simple etiquette that most "party hostesses" lack here. I mean seriously, you can't provide a cutely displayed appetizer or some creative beverages?? What?! It's fend for yourself I'm afraid...even in someone elses home...which to me is just weird/boarderline rude (unless you're of course family...which we are most certainly excluded from here). My mother even says that (in winter especially) in some homes where you are a guest....it's custom to take off your shoes at the door...WTF people my shoes go with the outfit...and they're not comin off (I saw that episode of Sex and the City where someone stole Carrie's cute pair of Manolo's...and I won't be a victim of shoe thievary)

While DGF most of the time absolutely gets on my nerves to no end....it may actually be quite liberating to DGF every now and then. On the day's I'm feeling lazy....I might have to admit that I will (within boundaries) DGF slightly. But the second I go full fledged DGF...someone stage an intervention! I will always be polite, I will always ask if someone needs help if they look lost, or appear to have trouble breathing (like an old lady in the fabric store just the other day..seriously it was scary)....I will smile and say excuse me if I walk in front of you in the grocery store while you're obviously trying to scan the shelf for something you may desperately need.  I will offer my apologies if I am in your way/cut you off, or in any way make any social situation uncomfortable for you. I will courtesy wave when you let me cross the cross walk (this includes looking both ways before traipsing out into traffic--which people also have a hard time comprehending here), or if you simply go out of your way to let me go first at a 4 way stop. I will always be on time, or early, for any event in which other people are depending on my punctuality...because I like to show people I value their time too.  I will always bring the hostess a gift (as it is proper etiquette) and/or offer to bring something to contribute to the overall experience of the event you are hosting. I will always send Thank you notes and I will always show my gratitude when someone goes out of their way to do something nice for me. While all these things and more have been ingrained in me since birth....I too must also try and bend the rules, let go a little, and DGF (with limits)